By STEVE OUELLETTE, Movie Review
The most preposterous movie of the young year, "Legion," supposes that God has tired of the human race and has ordered the archangel Michael down to Earth to wipe us out.
Michael, however, has a twinge of conscience, so he ditches his wings, grabs an assault rifle and heads out to defend the woman whose unborn child is humanity's only chance for survival.
The setup itself isn't necessarily bad, but the execution is just terrible. Borrowing freely from "The Terminator" and countless other more effective films, "Legion" could be excused for being dumb and pointless if it were fun. But it's not any fun either.
There's one killer scene with a possessed granny, otherwise, it's a total loss. For an action movie, it's not big on action, violence or special effects. The plot isn't even close to half-baked; it's more someone-forgot-to-turn-on-the-oven. Plus, there's not an interesting character in the whole film.
The movie promises a legion of angels in an epic battle, but we only see two angels — Michael and his butt-kicking brother Gabriel — and the action is almost completely limited to a dusty desert diner run by Dennis Quaid and his son Jeep (Lucas Black, from the film "Friday Night Lights") — who is smitten with pregnant waitress Charlie (Adrianne Palicki from the TV show "Friday Night Lights").
Apparently, all the forces that God could muster to destroy the earth are several dozen carloads of slow-moving, easily killed yahoos with possessed souls. Even then, it's hard to see why they couldn't quickly overrun a rickety diner defended by one heavily-armed former angel and a few scared amateurs. They certainly don't try very hard, even though Charlie's child — how or why we're never told — is the only thing that can halt their victory.
Paul Bettany is stoic — and a little dull — as Michael, but he tries his best. It's interesting when he gets to battle Gabriel — who puts his wings to surprisingly effective use in battle — though I wonder if one can really harm an angel with bullets. The acting overall is at best uneven, featuring a bunch of "where do I know that person from" cast members, including Charles Dutton, Tyrese Gibson and Kate Walsh. Quaid — what happened to his career? — is particularly awful.
I'm not sure who "Legion" would appeal to. It seems a waste of everyone's time.
Rental Recommendation: Kevin Smith segued from "Clerks" into the thought-provoking biblical comedy "Dogma." Grade: B+.
E-mail Steve Ouellette at: ouellette1918@gmail.com
