Moviegoers can see explosions, gunfire and death every single day of the year. But how often can they see it dealt out jointly by many of the biggest names in the genre?
Not bloody often. Which may be a good thing.
A Sylvester Stallone vanity film, "The Expendables" brings together a host of familiar faces in a totally old-school, but completely run-of-the-mill, shoot 'em up.
The movie was directed and co-written by Stallone, who also stars as Barney Ross, a grizzled veteran in charge of a mercenary crew whose motto is: "If the money's right, we don't care what the job is."
Yes, technically, the film does bring together heavyweights Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, but don't get excited about that aspect — the latter two make but one brief cameo together, and it's far from worth the price of admission.
Mickey Rourke is also around as a former mercenary now turned tattoo artist and amateur philosopher. He's also in a no-kill role, though, instead spending his time dispensing words of pseudo wisdom.
Doing more of the heavy lifting is current action star Jason Statham, who capably plays Stallone's knife-throwing right-hand man, Lee Christmas. Also an active part of the crew is Jet Li, with ultimate fighter Randy Couture and former NFL player Terry Crews filling out the ranks.
Of the once and former action stars, Dolph Lundgren may have fared the best, getting a few meaty moments as the group's dangerous loose cannon, Gunnar Jensen.
The film's plot is mostly laughable. Stallone's band of brothers is hired to overthrow a puppet dictator on a small South American island that is actually run by ruthless American Eric Roberts (and his henchman, wrestler Steve Austin).
At first, the job is deemed too dangerous, but Stallone's honorable leader just can't let down a good woman (Giselle Itie), 40 years his junior, so they storm the fortress and kill many unfortunate soldiers.
To be fair, "The Expendables" does make more than a casual effort to build its characters. They practice plenty of faux-snappy buddy dialogue and talk about their lives and loves, particularly Statham's girlfriend ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer's" Charisma Carpenter).
It's not done particularly well, however, and that's not what anyone paid to see. The moviegoers want to see action and a high body count.
Eventually, that count does get pretty high, but the old-school flick turns new-school for most of its action sequences — which means jittery hand-held scenes that are cut so quick that you frequently can't figure out what's going on or who is vivisecting which bad guy.
"The Expendables" isn't terrible, but it is just what it promises to be: expendable.
Rental Recommendation: George Clooney knew what to do with an all-star cast in "Ocean's Eleven." Grade: B+
E-mail Steve Ouellette at:
ouellette1918@gmail.com
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