Gondolas should be equipped with barf bags.
Not so much for the motion sickness, but more so for the visual disturbances caused by the madness of March and the fools of April.
It seems that the mild temperatures encourage the exposure of bare skin, which is not always a good thing. Chairlifts and T- Bars are naturally set up to dispose promptly of projectile vomiting, although the poor saps passing underneath or nearby are sure to be startled.
I was on an ill-equipped gondola recently when the weather was just mild enough to bring out the worst kind of slope-side fashion. As our cabin passed overhead, a group of men stood underneath adorned in Speedos and thongs and nothing else. Yikes!
The pristine mountain scenery was suddenly and tragically disrupted by a putrid mountain scenario of pathetic proportions. I nearly had to use my helmet to catch what would have been the ultimate expression of disgust, but luckily, the horrendous vision was short-lived. High speed lifts are a blessing!
The evolution of clothing and fashion on the slopes made significant strides in the 1930's. Prior to that, skiers wore just about anything to keep warm, with knickers for men and long wool skirts for woman being the most notable outfits.
Sometime in the early 1930's though, fashion and function met on the slopes as the industry was advancing as a recreational pastime. Wool caps, colorful Norwegian sweaters, gabardine jackets and tweed knickers were slowly turning ski resorts into a showcase of fashion. Later, sometime during the 1940's, baggy clothes began to be replaced by sleek fitting garments and by the 1950's, the elegant stretch pant was turning heads from Lake Placid to Lake Tahoe.
Made famous by Maria and Willy Bogner, variations of this soft shell pant have made a huge resurgence in recent years. During this same era, Klaus Obermeyer was manufacturing innovative clothing and products that greatly enhanced comfort and function and his mark on the industry endures from their base in Aspen, Colo.
While sleek lasted through most of the 1960's, jeans, wool sweaters and big puffy parkas, reminiscent of the 1800's, were also worn by some. Unfortunately, one piece suits with bright neon patterns also began to turn heads and even now, such relics are worn by men or women who believe they can still squeeze into the same garment they bought in 1976. Luckily for me, they never made these silly looking jumpsuits in a husky model, sparing me added humiliation.
Snowboarding too, has created its own fashion trends with baggy pants, colorful jackets and audio- equipped helmets considered standard attire. Modern technology has created fabrics and materials that are thin, lightweight, waterproof and warm. Interestingly though, the slopes have become a diverse and eclectic showcase of fashion over the decades.
Trends sometimes repeat themselves and others are best left to memory or imagination. Others still, like the one I witnessed on that mild day from the gondola, should be punishable by a jury of skiers and snowboarders equipped with barf bags, Tums and 10-foot poles.
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As the season winds down across our Adirondack region, a number of notable events highlight the local hills and mountains. Beartown, for example, recently held its annual corporate race to raise funds so hundreds of kids and families from the Plattsburgh area can continue to enjoy its affordable slopes.
Similarly, Mount Pisgah is planning a major fundraiser, complete with Olympic athletes, to help ensure that Saranac Lake will continue its long history of skiing and snowboarding on the outskirts of town.
Near Malone, Titus Mountain draws in locals and tourists alike. Their notably good snow conditions this season created a great platform for their racing series and snowboarding events.
In Tupper Lake, the volunteers who resurrected Big Tupper have pulled off another heroic feat by holding a patriotic fundraiser for a local soldier wounded in the line of service.
Healthy competition notwithstanding, these local ski centers, including the larger Whiteface and Gore, are actually quite dependent on each other. While each is unique, they collectively feed an important economic and recreational pipeline.
John Bernardi can be contacted through his website at www.slopesider.net
