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July 21, 2009

Leave a bit of yourself behind

By LORRAINE LILJA, Innocent Bystander

There are so many things filling our idle hours these days that there is little time left over for giving of ourselves.

And though a balmy day in July may seem like a silly time to ask you to think of the holidays, why not give it a try? It's a perfect time to create treasured gifts.

The loss of a loved one usually leaves a void. Children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews will often have trouble dealing with that absence. The written word gives us an opportunity to be present even when we're gone.

They would enjoy stories of how you spent your time when you were a youngster. Tell them how important the radio was to you. Describe what you did when you were told to "go out and play." What were the chores you were expected to do? How did you relate to others in the family?

Tell tales of things that happened along the way. They need not be important memories, just day-to-day living.

A BIG LESSON
For instance, I wrote about the first time I experienced shame.

My father came in for supper to find me merrily restoring the point on every pencil in the house with one of those little square sharpeners. He asked where I got that shiny red piece of equipment.

An important part of the story is the fact that my father was the caretaker on an island estate. For three quarters of any given year, we were the only inhabitants. Moreover, I had few chances to get to a store.

"I found it," I answered.

"Where?" Pop asked.

"In the grass," I fibbed.

Dad offered his open palm to me and asked me to show him where. I took his hand and started leading him over the 14-acre island. We walked the brick path to the mansion and across the velvety lawn that stretched out in front. We trudged past the blooming hill to where the grass grew knee-deep at the edge of a pine grove, but I could not bring myself to point to a spot that had held the tool. No way, no how.

Tears welled up in my eyes and coursed down my cheeks, and Dad asked what was wrong.

"I didn't find it; I took it," I finally blubbered.

He quietly explained that I couldn't take things belonging to someone else and said I had to return it the next day.

LASTING MEMORIES
That little tale illustrated how isolated my early life had been. And how gentle Dad was in his instruction. Each chapter of your reminiscences can tell another story of times gone by.

You could write in a handsome journal or photocopy typed pages and put them in binders if you want to make several copies.

Another idea is a recipe file. Buy some pretty card file boxes and fill them with family favorites written on index cards.

A patchwork quilt made up of familiar fabrics would also be appreciated and cozy with memories.

Now's the time to start making the lasting reminders that you were here, growing more valuable to those who loved you as time goes by.


Lorraine Lilja is a retired Press-Republican reporter. A collection of her columns, "Lilja's World," is for sale at local bookstores. Lilja can be reached at llilja17@hotmail.com.

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