In any marriage, spouses are bound to say things from time to time that discourage, sadden or outrage their partner. In my particular case, for instance, there are five words I blurt out every now and then that send my wife into a state of depression that can take days to escape. Those five words are: "Oh, I can fix that."
I've had my successes, over the years, of which I'm justifiably proud.
Every time I pass by the upstairs hall light, I look up admiringly and say to myself, "I changed that bulb."
I've crammed new washers into drippy faucets, delighted the family when there was some assembly required and even made a bookcase or two that didn't tip over, if you didn't set anything heavy on them.
On the other hand, I once gave myself a brush cut when I tried putting a new plug on a lamp. When I plugged it in, my hair stood on end and stayed that way for about a week.
My gloat level has dropped over the years, as my wife has pointed out little defects in my projects. Whereas I used to gloat over a roof I put on by myself or the hot-water pipe I installed, now I'm reduced to gloating when I dig a clump of leaves out of the downspout and restore the flow.
When I undertake a significant repair now, I'm doing what I call the preliminary work. In other words, I merely pave the way for the professional. I'll get the faucet off so he can install the new one without having to get his hands dirty.
But, while my winning percentage is only so-so and getting worse as my career winds down, I'm a Hall of Famer compared with my friend Casey Flynn. After 25 years of marriage, he's still looking for his first victory.
He once described his record on household repairs this way: "I always make it worse."
Well, not always.
One morning this summer, his wife, Beth, surprised him by coming upstairs and announcing that there was no water emerging from the kitchen faucet. A man of Casey's level of experience would automatically ask this probing question: "Did you try turning it on?" At which point, Beth probably wondered why she had wasted that hard-won energy climbing the stairs.
However, answering in the affirmative, she awaited his next move, which was to confidently assure her, "I'll take care of it."
He threw on a pair of shorts and appropriate footwear (which for Casey facing a plumbing problem might have been galoshes) and trudged downstairs to confront the predicament.
He looked over the offending device, as if mere examination would reveal the diagnosis. When it did not, he did some perfunctory tinkering, checking by hand to make sure all the fittings were tight.
That intelligence secured, he took a look under the sink. Careful study there turned up that there were two pipes, each apparently leading to a faucet, and that big, curvy drain going back down. What goes up must come down. Every good plumber knows that. Then there was the hose that led to that squirty thing in the sink, there. Nothing out of the ordinary under here.
He went down cellar to take a look at the maze of pipes under the floor and discovered it was still there. So far, so good.
The good repairman is creative. If a solution doesn't immediately emerge from preliminary investigation, it is he who always invents one out of whole cloth.
Casey Flynn saw immediately what needed to be done and sprang to it at once.
He went straightaway to the kitchen and opened the window above the sink.
Then he went to the garage and seized the nozzle, which he screwed confidently onto the end of the garden hose. He carried that nozzle, now ready for action, to the kitchen window and stuck it through from the outside.
He went inside and gave it a squirt into the sink -- good as new. He proudly hollered upstairs: "You've got water."
Casey and I are valued highly around our respective houses. He feeds the dog, and I feed the cats.
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A man's work is never done ... correctly
<a href="mailto:bgrady@pressrepublican.com">By BOB GRADY</a> The Press Republican Wed Sep 17, 2008, 04:36 AM EDT
- Columns
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Breakfast too important to skip
Jordy Kivett has tips for those who are not naturally inclined to eating first thing in the morning.
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The earthy words of Pope Francis
This pope's back-to-basics style is catching some Vatican insiders off-guard, writes religion columnist Terry Mattingly.
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Love them or hate them, dandelions here to stay
Jolene Wallace offers tips on controlling dandelions.
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Passwords becoming too complicated
Variety of rules for creating a good password makes it impossible to remember them all, let alone pick one, Steve Ouellette writes.
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Prospective students need career guidance
Our educational system must be accountable for steering young students in the right direction, according to columnist Colin Read.
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Conservative champion gone
One of the worthless but sentimental things I've collected over the years is a copy of the final edition of the Toronto Telegram, dated Oct. 30, 1971, writes Canadian columnist Peter Black.
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Flight to Colorado a mix of memories
Be prepared for anything when flying. Only time spent with family sweetened flight delays, Susan Tobias writes.
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Was Jesus religious enough for HHS?
Health and Human Services offers some religious organizations an exemption from the requirement that their health insurance plans cover contraception, but religion columnist Terry Mattingly questions whether the qualification standards are too strict.
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May is an intense month for gardeners
It seems like trees burst into leaf in a matter of days, weeds appeared overnight in my garden, and almost everything related to yards and gardens needs to be done right now, Amy Ivy writes.
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Patching together a mystery
Columnist Gordie Little is searching for gifted quilt's story, owners.
- More Columns Headlines
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- Peter Black: Canadian Dispatch
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Conservative champion gone
One of the worthless but sentimental things I've collected over the years is a copy of the final edition of the Toronto Telegram, dated Oct. 30, 1971, writes Canadian columnist Peter Black.
Continued ...Peter Black, Canadian Dispatch The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 17, 2013 1 PhotoFri, May 17
- Maple Leafs in the spring May 3, 2013 1 Photo
- Bringing Liberal civil war to an end Apr 19, 2013 1 Photo
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Conservative champion gone
- Lois Clermont, Editor
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The rush on Election Day
We thought Barack Obama or Mitt Romney would mess us up Tuesday night, but it was actually Bill Owens who did, Editor Lois Clermont writes.
Continued ...By LOIS CLERMONT The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.Nov 8, 2012 2:25 am 1 PhotoThu, November 08
- Editing Speakout is challenging Apr 21, 2012 3:25 am 1 Photo
- First Box isn't about winning a race Jan 2, 2012 2:25 am 1 Photo
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The rush on Election Day
- Cornell Cooperative Extension
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Love them or hate them, dandelions here to stay
Jolene Wallace offers tips on controlling dandelions.
Continued ...By JOLENE WALLACE, Cornell Cooperative Extension The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 20, 2013 1 PhotoTue, May 21
- May is an intense month for gardeners May 13, 2013 1 Photo
- Spring rains mean green meadows May 12, 2013 1 Photo
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Love them or hate them, dandelions here to stay
- Richard Gast: Cornell Ag Extension
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Forestry workshop offered
On-site private forest resource management workshop offered in Churubusco, according to columnist Richard Gast.
Continued ...Richard Gast, Cornell Ag Connection The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 5, 2013 1 PhotoSun, May 05
- Disease strikes impatiens Apr 21, 2013 1 Photo
- Brook-trout fishing an Adirondack tradition Apr 7, 2013 1 Photo
Click here for more Richard Gast: Cornell Ag Extension stories
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Forestry workshop offered
- Bob Grady
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The importance of 'Fore' in golf
As the local golf season coasts to a close and golfers throughout the North Country begin to pack their clubs and frustrations away for another merciful respite, I'm compelled to report an incident that recently came to my attention involving my friend Ted and that diabolical sport, columnist Bob Grady writes.
Continued ...BOB GRADY The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.Nov 12, 2011 1 PhotoSat, November 12
- Having a tiger by the tail Sep 3, 2011 1 Photo
- Another nasty chore dispatched Jul 30, 2011 1 Photo
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The importance of 'Fore' in golf
- Guest Columns
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Garden tours offered
Franklin County master gardeners are inviting the public to visit woodland gardens, according to columnist Richard Gast.
Continued ...Richard Gast Cornell Ag Connection The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 19, 2013 1 PhotoMon, May 20
- The changing face of education: Part 2 May 12, 2013 1 Photo
- Refugee program a mutual benefit May 12, 2013 1 Photo
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Garden tours offered
- Peter Hagar: Cornell Ag Connection
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Spring rains mean green meadows
Productive pastures require good management to reach their fullest potential, according to columnist Peter Hagar.
Continued ...Peter Hagar, Cornell Ag Connection The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 12, 2013 1 PhotoSun, May 12
- It's important to share the roads with farm operators Apr 28, 2013 1 Photo
- Farming in the basin Apr 14, 2013 1 Photo
Click here for more Peter Hagar: Cornell Ag Connection stories
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Spring rains mean green meadows
- Health Advice
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Breakfast too important to skip
Jordy Kivett has tips for those who are not naturally inclined to eating first thing in the morning.
Continued ...JORDY KIVETT, Good For You The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 21, 2013 1 PhotoTue, May 21
- Tabata protocol an effective training method May 7, 2013 1 Photo
- Tips for reducing calories in kids' diets Apr 30, 2013 1 Photo
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Breakfast too important to skip
- Ray Johnson: Climate Science
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Cherry picking through climate-science data
One definition of "cherry picking" is to highlight or extract "data that seem to confirm a particular position, while ignoring a significant portion" of data that might contradict a point of view, writes columnist Ray Johnson.
Continued ...RAY JOHNSON, Climate Science The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 5, 2013 5 PhotosSun, May 05
- Climate change: A clear and present danger Apr 7, 2013 5 Photos
- We may ignore or deny it, but climate change is occurring Mar 3, 2013 5 Photos
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Cherry picking through climate-science data
- Gordie Little: Small Talk
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Patching together a mystery
Columnist Gordie Little is searching for gifted quilt's story, owners.
Continued ...By GORDIE LITTLE, Small Talk The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 12, 2013 1 PhotoSun, May 12
- Shabby House not so shabby after all Apr 28, 2013 1 Photo
- Not as many whistlers these days Apr 14, 2013 1 Photo
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Patching together a mystery
- Terry Mattingly: On Religion
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The earthy words of Pope Francis
This pope's back-to-basics style is catching some Vatican insiders off-guard, writes religion columnist Terry Mattingly.
Continued ...Terry Mattingly, On Religion The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 20, 2013 1 PhotoTue, May 21
- Was Jesus religious enough for HHS? May 13, 2013 1 Photo
- Zombies are us, 2013 May 6, 2013 1 Photo
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The earthy words of Pope Francis
- Steve Ouellette: You Had To Ask
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Passwords becoming too complicated
Variety of rules for creating a good password makes it impossible to remember them all, let alone pick one, Steve Ouellette writes.
Continued ...By STEVE OUELLETTE, You Had To Ask The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 19, 2013 1 PhotoTue, May 21
- A lesson in luck May 5, 2013 1 Photo
- Response to skateboarding column shocking Apr 21, 2013 1 Photo
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Passwords becoming too complicated
- Colin Read: Everybody's Business
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Prospective students need career guidance
Our educational system must be accountable for steering young students in the right direction, according to columnist Colin Read.
Continued ...Colin Read The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 19, 2013 1 PhotoMon, May 20
- In praise of optimism May 12, 2013 1 Photo
- What we can learn from Europe May 5, 2013 1 Photo
Click here for more Colin Read: Everybody's Business stories
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Prospective students need career guidance
- Pinch of Time
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Flight to Colorado a mix of memories
Be prepared for anything when flying. Only time spent with family sweetened flight delays, Susan Tobias writes.
Continued ...By SUSAN TOBIAS, Pinch of Time The Press Republican Copyright 2013 Press-Republican. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.May 15, 2013 1 PhotoWed, May 15
- Some famous people born in North Country May 1, 2013 1 Photo
- Photo of schoolchildren could be family treasure Apr 17, 2013 2 Photos
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Flight to Colorado a mix of memories
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