Recently contacted by members of gay organizations state-wide, I have again been asked to reach out to Senator Betty Little concerning the impending Gay Marriage vote in New York. Unfortunately, my husband Jon and I feel as though we are powerless over what our senator has decided to do. She has told us she will vote no on the bill when it comes to the floor of the senate. Some will cheer that decision, others will condemn her. We will just continue to wonder how and why.
No. 5, we will celebrate our fifth year of marriage. We actually had to go to Montreal to be married, and did so in a very private ceremony. That's right, a ceremony which could have been big news at the time in 2004, but we chose a level of discretion so as not to "rock the boat" and become poster children. Actually, in retrospect, it was the worst decision I have made in my relationship. For the benefit of "the people" and keeping the national spotlight off our city, I chose to restrict what my partner would have loved. The dream wedding with all of our friends and family there to celebrate with us.
Since I was a mayor at the time, I chose political cover over sound choice. I was wrong. I will forever regret that I didn't give the number one person in my life the chance to fulfill a dream properly. In fact, the only way it will happen properly is for this state to pass gay marriage so I can get it right the second time around.
Now, not to slap to those who have had a failed marriage, but our second time around wedding isn't going to be our second marriage. It will be the same stable relationship that we have had for seven years. It would be performed in the state in which we live, giving me, a military veteran and public servant for years, and Jon, a private sector professional, the chance of equality we feel we deserve. We pay our taxes like everyone else, try to be good citizens, engage in community and help our fellows whenever possible. Yes, we are pretty normal folks.
So on this eve of a major vote, I want to publicly apologize to the gay groups of New York for not having been a stronger voice for you during my political tenure. I know I helped to move many issues forward, but I could have done better. And to my husband Jon; I am sorry that I chose political prudence over your just right to have a proper wedding. So let the vote be cast and let's see who supports equality and who doesn't. If tradition is someone's issue, I would put our seven years of happiness up against any heterosexual marriage for comparison and breakdown. Tradition isn't the issue here. Love is the only issue. Love which deserves the same legal definition as our neighbors and relatives receive.
As for our senator; she will always have my respect for the tough job she works day in and day out. I just hope this decision isn't based on the same flawed mind set I had at one time. That being to protect "the people."
Daniel Stewart is a former mayor of Plattsburgh, New York state's first openly gay chief city executive. He lives in Plattsburgh and Montreal.
Opinion
November 2, 2009
Ex-mayor lobbies for gay-marriage bill
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