To volunteer for the Respite Program of Behavioral Health Services North's Caregiver Resource Center or for more information about services, call 565-4543.
Support groups for any unpaid elder caregiver meet from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. the second Thursday of every month at the United Way building, 45 Tom Miller Road, Plattsburgh. The next meeting is Dec. 10.
PLATTSBURGH — More than 15 years ago, Carol Allen made a promise.
She told her parents she would look after them in their old age, hoping that her care would allow them to live out their last years in the comfort of their own home.
Four years ago, Carol moved from North Carolina back to her hometown of Plattsburgh and to the home her parents had lived in for more than 50 years. It's here that Carol has been working on fulfilling that pledge.
"I had been coming home more and more frequently and for longer periods of time," she said. "I finally decided to leave my old life behind."
REACHING OUT
A full-time caregiver, Carol is responsible for maintaining the health and comfort of her 92-year-old mother, Peg Allen. In a single day, the younger woman fulfills many roles; she acts as her mother's nurse, nutritionist, housekeeper and, of course, her loving daughter.
Carol's journey hasn't been an easy one, but she wouldn't have had it any other way, she said.
When she returned home in May 2005, she was first taking care of her ailing father, Benjamin Fuller Allen. The physical demands were greater than she had expected; she helped her father around the house all day and had to be alert at night, too.
"Before I went to bed, I would drink glasses of water," she said.
This helped ensure she would be up several times during the night to check on her dad.
It wasn't long before Carol was physically and emotionally exhausted, but she was still hesitant to ask for help.
That Thanksgiving, however, she was forced to call upon a stranger for assistance. She had taken her father to the bathroom but wasn't able to get him back into bed. She asked for help from a young man who was visiting a neighbor and found out he had once been in the same situation, taking care of his own father.
Hours later, Carol's father died. That day, she realized two things: That despite her uncertainty and anxiety, she had come home at the right time and that despite her reluctance, opening herself up to help was a necessary and even beautiful step.
So when she learned through a friend about the Respite Program of Behavioral Health Services North's Caregiver Resource Center, she was able to move past her initial trepidation and take a chance.
"You need help, but you think if you accept help you can't dictate what will be done," she said. "That's the beautiful thing about respite. They come into your home without coming into your space."
MUCH SUPPORT
A caregiver from the Respite Program comes to Carol's parents' home every Wednesday morning for three hours. That gives Carol a regular break to leave the house, run errands or just take a rest.
"One of those things you just have to learn to do is open yourself up to help," she said. "You're in this situation because they're declining, and at some point you're going to fail. You know the end result. You need help physically, emotionally and spiritually."
Having someone come in and adapt to her family's situation has been "wonderful," she said.
"They share that joy with you. If you open yourself up to it, there's so much support here in Plattsburgh."
Along with respite, says Program Coordinator Mary Buckley-LaBonte, the Caregiver Resource Center offers a number of other services and resources to assist with elder care, including monthly support-group meetings and a lending library stocked with books and videos pertaining to caregiver issues.
"What I find is that people are a little initially resistant to accept help because a lot of caregivers have been doing it so long they figure they can keep doing it without any help," Buckley-LaBonte said. "After we've been in the homes, even as little as a few weeks, they don't know what they ever did without us."
The program currently serves 25 families, with three on the waiting list. Buckley-LaBonte is looking to incorporate volunteers into the program to help as many families as possible.
Volunteers needn't worry about attending to medical issues, she noted. Most of the time, they spend a few hours playing games, watching television or doing arts and crafts with clients.
"It's very satisfying for the employees. They get a lot of satisfaction out of knowing they're really helping somebody improve their lives and get a little happiness out of what is always a really difficult situation," she said.
Many would-be volunteers are hesitant because they think they don't have anything to offer, she said.
"I think if they could really see the value of respite, they would want to participate."
CHANGES NECESSARY
Carol appreciates the value of the respite program and those who choose to make a living out of helping others.
"They're all such good people, anyone who takes this on."
Carol herself deserves some praise, Buckley-LaBonte said. The program named her 2007 Caregiver of the Year.
"The atmosphere of love in that house is just incredible," she said. "It's a beautiful relationship. Carol will do whatever it takes to make sure Peg is as happy and comfortable and healthy as possible."
Carol thinks her mother really deserved the award, but she is glad to share her experience with others.
Carol's experiences taught her something she feels can resonate with anyone, not just other caregivers — that changes are necessary to personal growth, and to fear decline and death is to fear another aspect of life.
She is thankful she could take care of her father and can now do so for her mother, and to have such a personal experience. She is comforted to know she will be with her mother when it's her time to go.
Though Peg doesn't speak much anymore, Carol has accepted that aging is just part of a journey — and not the end.
"This is a full human being here," she said, holding her mother's hand. "This is not a damaged or partial human being.
"There is so much more to us than what we can do."
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